You people act like it’s fun, but I don’t get it. You get blazing hot in the sun, which is so bright you need glasses to protect your eyes. Then, just when your skin feels like it’s going to melt off your bones, you jump in a pool of cold water, and you laugh and call this vacation.
You know what’s vacation?
Staying in a temperature regulated room and sleeping, then waking up to be fed before going back to sleep. That’s fun.
Staying cozy against your mom’s chest.
That’s fun.That’s a vacation.
If you aren’t doing those things, then you aren’t on vacation.
All this to say – I didn’t enjoy my first dip in the pool. And I let the family unit know just how not fun that experience was for me.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
Did you know that it’s important to…expel waste from your body?
I’m not going to use that other word for it…you know, the word that rhymes with loop? I’m much too proper of a lady to discuss such a matter publicly. I’m a hip and classy baby, indeed.
Anyway, moving on.
If you do not expel waste in a manner that makes the grown up people around you happy, they will…do things to you. Things like feed you prune juice, or worse – suppositories.
Then they’ll sit and wait for stuff to start happening, and when it does they gag and talk about how gross it is, and you want to scream, YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU CRAZY PEOPLE!
Instead, you just get them back by expelling the waste right out of your diaper and up your back.
Yes, it is gross.
It is my most powerful weapon.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
Now I get to tell you about Landon. He might be my favorite, only because he’s good for my ego. Every time he walks by me, he kisses my head or my cheek and tells me how sweet and cute I am.
“She’s so cute!” he says at least ten times a day. He knows how to make a girl feel good.
I’ve heard it mentioned several times that Landon is known to be “the funny one.” Apparently, he’s always good for a laugh. As soon as I can laugh, I expect to be laughing at him.
For a long time, Landon was the baby of the family and he’s not anymore. He doesn’t seem to mind, though, and that’s a good thing because I plan to make full use of my status at “the baby.” I’m gonna milk that title for all it’s worth, so he will need to step out of my way.
I don’t know that I’ve seen Landon without some sort of ball in his hand or at his feet. In my whole two and a half weeks in this home, he has played ball non-stop. It’s exhausting, honestly, but while watching him play ball lulls me to sleep, it seems to really energize him. He’s got boundless, unending energy, which will someday come quite in handy when I need to be entertained and played with as mom-lady begs for a nap.
Landon will save me from excruciating boredom, I’m sure of it. But clearly I’m going to need to brush up on my ball handling skillz.
That’s right, I said skillz.
I’m one hip and happenin’ baby, yo?
Peace out.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
Today I’d like to introduce you to my sister. Sometimes I wonder if she is just another mom-lady in a smaller body, the way she dotes on me and refers to me over and over as “her baby.”
I think I’m going to like this girl they call “Tia.” I’ve heard her mention several times that she can’t wait until I’m older so she can fix my hair and teach me to put on make up (which is actually a bit frightening, honestly. The other day she and a friend gave each other makeovers, and if that’s how she intends to do my make up, I think I’ll just stick to the natural look, thankyouverymuch.)
Tia also promises to teach me gymnastics, which is totally radical because from what I hear, she is pretty awesome at the sport. I went to her meet last weekend and watched her win first place All Around, so I know first hand how awesome she is.
(And by “watched her win” I assume you all understand that I mean “slept through her win.” I’m an infant, people. I can’t be expected to care or take interest in anything you all are doing. If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m pretty much checked out.)
Anyway – I’m certain that this Tia is going to be one of my idols. I intend to follow her everywhere she goes, and ask her constantly to play with me. I’m sure she’ll love that. Yes. Yes, she will. She won’t ever tire of playing with me, or grow annoyed with my constant presence. She will rush home from school every day and willingly and gratefully sit-down to play with me for hours on end.
In fact, it’ll probably become annoying to me after awhile. I’ll beg her to leave me alone and give me peace because she’ll just want to be with me every spare moment of the day.
I’m quite confident of that.
Wait…why are you laughing?!
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
I’d like to take the next couple of days to tell you a little about my older brothers and sister. There are definite pros and cons to being the baby in a family like mine, particularly when your siblings are so much older.
The cons lie mostly in the fact that those people are freaking loud! And they have loud toys. Mom-lady seems like the type to prefer her babies to take long naps every day, but fat chance of that happening with the siblings and their friends constantly banging around the house.
The pros to having such older siblings far outweigh the cons, though.
Take, for example, my biggest brother, Sloan. He’s pretty awesome. I have a feeling I’m really, really going to like him a lot. Plus, I heard mom-lady mention the other day that by the time I’m in kindergarten, Sloan will be able to drive. I’m going to make sure that I get him wrapped around my little finger early on. I’ll bat my eyelashes at him and tell him how awesome he is so he’ll take me wherever I want.
Ice cream dates every night for me, folks!
Of course, this is my secret plan. Don’t tell him I plan to manipulate him this way, okay? I want him to think it’s his idea, not mine.
I’m not at all concerned with pulling this manipulation off, either. You should see the way he croons over me right now. Honestly, he’s like the baby whisperer. When he holds me, I get all snuggly and warm and I can’t help but feel a little more calm. I especially love it when he gives me a bottle. It makes my heart so happy.
I don’t understand, though, why he won’t change my diaper.
So strange.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
You’re sleeping peacefully, wrapped tightly in someone’s warm, comforting arms. You dream of that place – that perfect Utopia from which you recently came. The place where it was always dark, always calm, always warm and quiet.
It was your own little Garden of Eden, and it follows you in your dreamiest state of being.
Then WHAT THE WHAT?!
Suddenly you’re laid on a hard surface and stripped naked, and the air pricks at your skin like tiny needles. You scream in protest, and also as an outward curse of the fall of mankind.
Then mom-lady and her sidekick known as your sister dip you in a tub of water, and despite your wails of protest they insist on wiping you down from head to toe with this water, which honestly is kind of nice, but is also terrifying because MINUTES AGO YOU WERE IN THE DREAMY GARDEN OF EDEN AND NOW YOU MIGHT DROWN IN LAVENDER SCENTED WATER WHILE YOUR MOM AND SISTER LOOK ON IN AMUSEMENT!
And now you know what bath time feels like to a newborn.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
