On the stretches of highway between Florida, Tennessee, and Arkansas, I devoured the Divergent series. Because I aim to stay a solid 18-24 months behind the curve of pop culture, I decided it was time to see what all the fuss was about.
Every hour and a half, my eleven year old leaned forward, his hot breath all up in my ear.
“Whatcha think of it, Mom?” he asked. “Can I read that series? All my friends at school have read it. Is it good? Would it be good for me to read?”
Round and round we went as I read, and he begged to follow me. About midway through Book One, I thought that maybe he could read it, or at least try to. He’s still not a strong enough reader for a book of that size, but it seemed engaging enough that he might be able to get through it.
By the end of Book One, I had enough reservations about the material that I decided we’d probably hold off on sharing this series with him. By the end of Book Two, I knew unequivocally that it would be several years before I wanted him to dive into this series.
By the end of Book Three, I was convinced that he would need to be at least sixteen before he could read these books, and even then it would be with a lot of dialogue. I had also decided that I would be more comfortable with him reading The Hunger Games trilogy before the Divergent series, namely because it is better written.
Besides the fact that I felt the Divergent series got entirely off track and confusing in its ultimate message (Just exactly was she trying to say?! There were roughly 15 potential themes covered in those books, and none of them were covered well. It was maddening and frustrating, to be quite honest), I also found the kissy-kissy relationship stuff to be over the top, over dramatic, and much too graphic for fourth/fifth graders. As I read through yet another make out session between Tobias and Tris, I couldn’t help but cringe and wonder if the parents who allowed their fourth graders to read those books last year understood the maturity of the subject matter.
We’ve had a lot of talks with our children about the necessity to protect and guard their minds lately. These talks need to start early as our kids are being exposed to more and more thanks to the onslaught of social media.
From music to books to television, our kids are introduced to concepts that are far too mature far too early. At least in my opinion. If my son is ready to dive into a fascinating and challenging series of books this year, I will gladly hand him The Chronicles of Narnia. While I love some of the Young Adult series coming out, I would rather expose my children to fine literature first, and when they’re older, if they’re still interested in reading these pop culture series, we can discuss which ones would be most worth the investment of their time.
I’m also a bit of a stickler about reading a book before you see the movie version. My kids love that about me…
Parenting is a battle. It seems that every day I am waging a war against pop culture, and the conflicting messages that culture sends to my children. I’m fighting too much exposure to the online world, too much screen time, the lyrics of popular songs. I’m battling against a world that tells them to grow up young, that tells my daughter her worth is found in how she dresses (and looks in clothing). Television shows emasculate men, while music demeans women.
This isn’t to say that we’re hard core limiting what they see and hear. On the contrary, we allow quite a bit of freedom for our children to see and hear things in this pop culture world. We don’t want to put them in a bubble. But we do want to teach them that just because something is popular doesn’t mean we need to be exposed to it.
The fact is, my kids are not ready to hear all the messages the world has to offer. They are not adults living in tiny bodies. They’re children learning to navigate their way through this world. And pop culture is not the voice I want dictating who my children become, how they think, and how they behave.
I want to challenge them to be deep thinkers, to have minds of their own, rather than to be tiny robots easily controlled by the next popular books/song/movie, etc…To that end, I’m taking my job as guardian seriously.
It’s a really, really hard job.
I have to admit, The Divergent Series took over my life for about five days. I could not stop reading, but I too found the books confused. I wasn’t sure what cause I was supposed to get behind, especially in book three… This past year we added 6th and 7th graders to our middle school (and sent our 9th graders off to high school where they belong) while most of the books stayed behind and it led to soooo many conversations among reading teachers and media specialists about who should read what when. I have become so much more sensitive to content as a result. Also, Avery is a pretty advanced reader so I thought it would be fun to take down some Baby-sitters club books. Even those are so full of boy obsession I regretted my decision. I wonder if my obsession with those books convinced 13 year old me I was nothing without a love interest. (Wow – my comments ramble as much as the Divergent Series :)).
Yes, Danielle! What was she getting at? She touched on God, on forgiveness, on relationships, on families, on personality tests, on cultural divides, on prejudices, on the ethics of genetic testing, and on the effect of personality control and she just seemed to scratch the surface of all those things. It was maddening. I kept waiting for it to all come full circle and it never did.
The relationship thing is what really turned me off from letting Sloan read the books, though. I don’t have a problem with them reading about relationships, but when make out sessions and girl-boy drama becomes the focus of the story, it just gets to be too much drama.
I love, though, that you teachers sit back and debate these things. I’d love to its in a room with a bunch of lit teachers. You’re my people 🙂
Well, we did allow our almost 12-year old to read the series and we talked our way through it. Like you, I found the writing to be pretty poor. The first book was good, but the entire second book I wished we could have just skipped. By the time we got to the third, I predicted the ending (and was right) and was just glad to see the last pages.
We talked through the books with Munchkin; not only for content, but for quality. We talked about what it meant to be a strong female character and why the author would choose to devalue her by spending an entire book mooning over a boy. It gave us an opportunity to discuss how distracted and ridiculous Tris became when she allowed her fixation with Four to take her focus away from what she needed to be doing. We talked about Sampson and how he was giving this great strength of body and character and how he was weakened when he allowed his focus to stray away from God.
As bad and convoluted as the writing was, it provided some very valuable talking opportunities. I knew we’d accomplished what we were hoping to accomplish when she told me that she thought the books would have been better without all the sappy romance stuff and Tris was “acting stupid” over Four.
Like it or not, they ARE being exposed to thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that are very different than what we are teaching at home. I’m kidding myself if I think that I can keep it 100% away from her. She is away from me all day, at school, and the benefits of school (in our minds) far outweigh the ability to better control their exposure to the world by keeping them at home.
My husband and I have decided that we’d rather lead our children through what they are hearing and seeing at school than play catch up and do damage control later. No, we aren’t opening up Twilight with her, but she’s read Divergent and started Hunger Games. She’s read all but the last of the Harry Potter books. I read them before she did and we took her to see the movies. And talked. And talked. And talked.
I’m so glad to read how you are approaching pop culture. Fellowship with other Christian mothers is so important. Seeking other perspectives makes this a “safe” place to talk without the ridiculous mommy guilt that we sometimes put on our fellow mothers. This parenting gig is hard enough without the absurdity of having to deal with judgement from the very people who should be most sympathetic to the hard choices we have to make every day.
Great post!
Beautiful response. And both are lovely pictures of us walking through these difficult themes with our children. Walking through it with them is the goal. I agree. But we lead the timing. What am honor. What a privilege.
Thank you for sharing this, Regina. I do think there’s a big difference between 12 year olds and 9/10 years olds. I also love that you read through them with her and applied some good teaching with the books rather than just blindly letting her read along. I will continue to do that with my kids. In fact, most of the time, that’s why I read the books that they read, or that they will want to read. I want to be prepared for the questions the books will face.
In the end, we all do what we think is best for our children. The Divergent series is not best for my son at this point, and he isn’t ready for The Hunger Games. But when he is ready for those books, I will happily read them with him and dialogue throughout the book so I know he can grasp the underlying meanings behind the words.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
This is another one of my favorite posts. Last time I said that was the post about guarding our children as well, in terms of social media. You write these challenges well. (Unlike the divergent series, I get your main points!). Walking before us and sharing your thoughts and convictions with me is a real blessing. Thank you.
And thank you for reading along with me! 🙂
OK, so after we talked about this last week I decided to go and actually finish the last book in the series because the curiosity got the best of me. Then I was all like, “Well, there’s 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back.” I let my 16 YO read it because he loved The Hunger Games and we found so much rich critical thinking and discussion material there, especially given the life change we are about to make to go and serve the developing world. So I expected we would find the same thing in Divergent and I plopped down every evening for several nights, armed with paper and pen to write out good discussion and essay questions for him. I got about halfway through the second book and only had FOUR good questions. That was when I peaced out. In the Hunger Games trilogy I had so much material I was able to keep him busy writing and thinking for a couple of hours a day. Not so with Divergent. Also, I liked the movie way more than the book. That’s telling.
Indeed. I am actually excited for Sloan to read The Hunger Games. I agree – there’s so much more meat to those books, and the relationship portion of that book is a small part of it, not the main crux of the storyline.
And sorry about those stolen two hours. :/
Not your fault. I would have done it anyway before seeing the movie.
I love your thoughts here Kelli. I think your kids will never suffer from “waiting” to read the “it” books. If the fad passes, they will thank you in the end.
We have had the policy our kids to be well read – which means classics come first. We read a ton last year (alone and as a family). I introduced my almost 12 year old to Harry Potter this summer. She has loved it. I know most kids in her grade read these years ago, but we were busy reading C.S. Lewis and Laura Ingalls Wilder and E.Nesbit. So we are fine with it. I think she appreciates it more because we read other stories first. Potter is a great story — but there are others better written to be sure.
Love that, Stacey. I don’t know when we’ll introduce Harry Potter to our kids. My husband is a bit hesitant due to some subject matter, so for the time being we’ve chosen not to. If they’re interested when they’re older, I’m happy for them to read it. I loved the Harry Potter series, but I want my kids to appreciate it, and the books are so long. They just aren’t strong enough readers for me to justify pushing them into that series yet.
Last year I introduced Sloan to Roald Dahl and I credit this for getting him over the hump in his reading ability. He fell in love with the books and is currently reading The BFG for the third time. That’s what I want for them. I want them to fall in love with books that they’ll want to read over and over. To that end, most pop culture books are a fun read, but they’re once and done type books. The classics beg to be re-read. 🙂
THANK YOU, Kelli! I don’t have kids old enough to read any of these popular books (Hunger Games, Divergent, Fault in Our Stars…even Harry Potter) but I am shocked at how many of the kids I work w/at church (4th-8th graders) who have read ALL these books and seen the movies!
To me, it’s all about not awakening those desires (either love/sexuality or even danger/violence, etc.) until the time is right. If our 4th graders are reading about making out, what will they want to read in High School?
Thanks for this!
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Exactly! Save the mature material for when they’re ready. I know it’s tempting to give in now, because these books are exciting. I like most of them. I’ve read all the recent hit series, and I’ve seen most of the movies, so I get it. They draw you in, and it’s fun to experience that with a whole group of people at the same time.
That said, my kids just aren’t ready for these books. Just because it’s popular and fun, and all their friends are doing it doesn’t mean I should let them, too. Their friends will likely do a lot of things that I don’t want them doing as they grow up. Better to teach them the lesson now that just because it’s popular doesn’t mean it’s best.
It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.
Amen!
I just have to say, I stood in line behind someone at B&N the other day and heard this conversation:
Customer: Would you recommend this book for my nine year old? I’m buying it for her.
B&N Cashier: Um … No. I can’t say I recommend this for anyone under thirteen … at least.
C: But I took her to see the movie, and she loved it.
B: I’m sorry, but there are themes in this book that I believe are more mature than a 9 year old.
C: She’s a very mature nine year old.
B: Still, I can’t recommend it.
I didn’t see the book she had in her hands, but I’m betting it was Divergent or Hunger Games. I was so proud of the B&N cashier for sticking to her convictions. It’s my theory that the mother knew perfectly well the book was too much for her nine year old, she was just trying to get some outside justification for buying it for her.
(Oh, and now I’m going to go on a rant – my husband and I went to see Hercules this weekend, and just as I started thinking to myself how graphic it was and turning my eyes from the screen, I noticed a small child, only 3 or 4 years old, jabbering to herself in the isle. Sick to my stomach. Seriously parents?!!!)
I love that the B&N cashier stuck to her convictions, too! That’s awesome! 🙂