Today I’d like to introduce you to my sister. Sometimes I wonder if she is just another mom-lady in a smaller body, the way she dotes on me and refers to me over and over as “her baby.”
I think I’m going to like this girl they call “Tia.” I’ve heard her mention several times that she can’t wait until I’m older so she can fix my hair and teach me to put on make up (which is actually a bit frightening, honestly. The other day she and a friend gave each other makeovers, and if that’s how she intends to do my make up, I think I’ll just stick to the natural look, thankyouverymuch.)
Tia also promises to teach me gymnastics, which is totally radical because from what I hear, she is pretty awesome at the sport. I went to her meet last weekend and watched her win first place All Around, so I know first hand how awesome she is.
(And by “watched her win” I assume you all understand that I mean “slept through her win.” I’m an infant, people. I can’t be expected to care or take interest in anything you all are doing. If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m pretty much checked out.)
Anyway – I’m certain that this Tia is going to be one of my idols. I intend to follow her everywhere she goes, and ask her constantly to play with me. I’m sure she’ll love that. Yes. Yes, she will. She won’t ever tire of playing with me, or grow annoyed with my constant presence. She will rush home from school every day and willingly and gratefully sit-down to play with me for hours on end.
In fact, it’ll probably become annoying to me after awhile. I’ll beg her to leave me alone and give me peace because she’ll just want to be with me every spare moment of the day.
I’m quite confident of that.
Wait…why are you laughing?!
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
I’d like to take the next couple of days to tell you a little about my older brothers and sister. There are definite pros and cons to being the baby in a family like mine, particularly when your siblings are so much older.
The cons lie mostly in the fact that those people are freaking loud! And they have loud toys. Mom-lady seems like the type to prefer her babies to take long naps every day, but fat chance of that happening with the siblings and their friends constantly banging around the house.
The pros to having such older siblings far outweigh the cons, though.
Take, for example, my biggest brother, Sloan. He’s pretty awesome. I have a feeling I’m really, really going to like him a lot. Plus, I heard mom-lady mention the other day that by the time I’m in kindergarten, Sloan will be able to drive. I’m going to make sure that I get him wrapped around my little finger early on. I’ll bat my eyelashes at him and tell him how awesome he is so he’ll take me wherever I want.
Ice cream dates every night for me, folks!
Of course, this is my secret plan. Don’t tell him I plan to manipulate him this way, okay? I want him to think it’s his idea, not mine.
I’m not at all concerned with pulling this manipulation off, either. You should see the way he croons over me right now. Honestly, he’s like the baby whisperer. When he holds me, I get all snuggly and warm and I can’t help but feel a little more calm. I especially love it when he gives me a bottle. It makes my heart so happy.
I don’t understand, though, why he won’t change my diaper.
So strange.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
You’re sleeping peacefully, wrapped tightly in someone’s warm, comforting arms. You dream of that place – that perfect Utopia from which you recently came. The place where it was always dark, always calm, always warm and quiet.
It was your own little Garden of Eden, and it follows you in your dreamiest state of being.
Then WHAT THE WHAT?!
Suddenly you’re laid on a hard surface and stripped naked, and the air pricks at your skin like tiny needles. You scream in protest, and also as an outward curse of the fall of mankind.
Then mom-lady and her sidekick known as your sister dip you in a tub of water, and despite your wails of protest they insist on wiping you down from head to toe with this water, which honestly is kind of nice, but is also terrifying because MINUTES AGO YOU WERE IN THE DREAMY GARDEN OF EDEN AND NOW YOU MIGHT DROWN IN LAVENDER SCENTED WATER WHILE YOUR MOM AND SISTER LOOK ON IN AMUSEMENT!
And now you know what bath time feels like to a newborn.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
I went on my first road trip this weekend. Can we talk a minute about infant car seats?
They’re awful!
People, I have zero muscle control in my neck, so when you put me in a car seat, I am naturally going to slump over to the side, unless of course you pull the straps tight enough to keep my head upright, but the only reason that works is because my cheeks balance precariously on the straps.
In all, there is nothing comfortable about this so-called “pumpkin” seat.
(I like how you’ve given it a cutesy little name in an attempt to make it sound like it’s fun. So precious of you…)
Anyway, I’m in the running to claim the Baby of the Year title, so I was on my best behavior for this road trip, and not only because I want the prestige. I’m a little nervous, to be honest. I’ve heard my parents tell the story of the night the man named “dad” dropped my sister, Tia, on her head when she was a baby.
Apparently she was sleeping in her “pumpkin” seat and the handle wasn’t locked well, so when “dad” picked her up, she pitched forward and fell on her face.
So she was left defenseless against the dangerous “pumpkin” seat, without even her hands to help break her fall. (Yes, I’m putting the quotations in there on purpose, because pumpkins are round and lovely, and seem to elicit happy memories from everyone of something called “fall.” This infant car seat elicits no such happy feelings from me. Thus the quotations…)
Whenever my parents tell this horrific story, they laugh. Sure, they say it was an accident, and they make cheeky comments about Tia having been literally dropped on her head, but it still leaves me slightly wary of the “pumpkin” seat. I listen hard for the handle to latch when they set me in it, and I’m trying to be cool and go to sleep, even though I’m wildly uncomfortable, and rather terrified.
I mean, take this photo, for example.
Do you see the terror on my face?!
Do you?!
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
Being in a deep, sound sleep and having someone lean down and kiss you right on the mouth over and over. It’s super-duper.
Okay I’m being sarcastic.
It’s actually pretty annoying.
I’d tell mom-lady to stop, but I don’t think she would listen. She keeps cooing about how fun it is to kiss baby lips.
*sigh*
I’m just gonna have to get used to it. At least if she’s kissing my face, she has me in her arms, and not on a sterile bed. So I still win.
Join me in this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
I have a love/hate relationship with swaddling. On the one hand, I feel all cozy and warm. It’s like I’m giving myself a long, gentle hug, and before I know it I’m out.
On the other hand, I know mom-lady is doing this because she intends to put me down, and I already told you I don’t like being put down. I feel her wrapping me up, pinning my arms to my side, and I resist. I kick, I scream, then my eyes get all heavy and I wake up four hours later.
IT’S LIKE A DRUG, THE SWADDLE BLANKET!
Plus, I feel a bit like a crazy person in a straight jacket, and I don’t think the swaddle is at all flattering to my cheeks.
Just kidding.
My cheeks are awesome. I know because everyone keeps saying so.
I wish they’d stop kissing and biting on them, though…
Join me in this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.
I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.
This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!
