31 Days of Infant Photos and Musings: Bath Time

by Kelli Stuart | Oct 7, 2014 | 31 Days, Baby, Humor, Motherhood, Photography

Walk with me down an imaginary road, will you?

You’re sleeping peacefully, wrapped tightly in someone’s warm, comforting arms. You dream of that place – that perfect Utopia from which you recently came. The place where it was always dark, always calm, always warm and quiet.

It was your own little Garden of Eden, and it follows you in your dreamiest state of being.

Then WHAT THE WHAT?!

Suddenly you’re laid on a hard surface and stripped naked, and the air pricks at your skin like tiny needles. You scream in protest, and also as an outward curse of the fall of mankind.

Then mom-lady and her sidekick known as your sister dip you in a tub of water, and despite your wails of protest they insist on wiping you down from head to toe with this water, which honestly is kind of nice, but is also terrifying because MINUTES AGO YOU WERE IN THE DREAMY GARDEN OF EDEN AND NOW YOU MIGHT DROWN IN LAVENDER SCENTED WATER WHILE YOUR MOM AND SISTER LOOK ON IN AMUSEMENT!

And now you know what bath time feels like to a newborn.

This month, I’m linking up with The Nester for this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!

I’ll share photos every day, some of them good, and some of them mediocre, because baby leaves me little time to worry about taking and editing the perfect photos.

I’ll also be sharing my daughter’s thoughts, as dictated to me telepathically while she nurses, because she has informed me that she is a mind ninja, and I am merely her portal to the outside world.

Her words, not mine.

*wink*

31 Days: Brangelina

by Kelli Stuart | Oct 2, 2014 | 31 Days, Baby, Humor, Life, Photography

On my third morning in this place they call home, mom-lady told dad that she had a dream. A couple named Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie came to visit because, apparently, they wanted to meet me.

Mom-lady told dad that Angelina, or “Angie,” held me and coo’ed (people do that when they hold me) while she spoke with Brad about a movie called Romeo and Juliette, and whether or not some guy name Leonardo DiCaprio is a good actor.

Whatever the heck that means.

Dad picked me up and held me out in front of him. “I wonder if Brad and Angie wanted to adopt you,” he said, and they both laughed.

Frankly, I didn’t find that funny at all.

My parents are weird.

Join me in this 31 Day series as I survive the newborn haze of sleepless nights, endless nursing, and squeezing in life in twenty minute increments throughout the day. If you want to receive the posts directly in your email inbox, just leave your email address in the box on the sidebar, and subscribe so you don’t miss a post!